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written by

Jaron Summers

©2011

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We rent our home in Edmonton.  Here is a

recent inquiry (with applicant's photo) —

Hi There!

I am looking for a room to rent mainly on Thursday afternoon to evening. Could be other days rarely. My girlfriend and I would be meeting there. I would prefer following but not MUST:

1) Should be able to get a key to access this room so that I don't have to bother someone to open it for me.

2) Please let me know how much it's going to cost to me per day or maybe per month.

I will not be using any laundry or any extra amenities. Basic necessity furniture in the room would be great! Thanks for your reply to my ad.

RDX

 

and my response—

Dear RDX:

I have a place that might work for you. I'm curious -- are you a penguin? And if so would you be meeting other penguins in the room you are seeking? This may be a bit too kinky for the other housemates. Also, one of the housemates is allergic to cat hair and possibly feathers. jaron
 

On Mon, Apr 25, 2011 at 12:17 PM, R D <desirhitXX@hotmail.com> wrote:

Hi there,

Sorry, I am not a penguin. Also, I am not in Kinky stuff or any thing. I am just looking for a normal room so my girlfriend and I could spend some quality time. I don't have any pets and I won't be using any laundry, interent etc. I want to ask you few questions:

1) How much is the rent going to be?
2) Will I get a key to the room or the house?

Thanks
-RDX
 

Dear RDX,

No need to apologize for your lack of penguinism. I am heartened that you are not into kinky stuff but the others who live in the house are into voyeurism, especially one guy -- and depending on what you and your girlfriend do would determine the amount of your rent and if we were to trust you with a key.

If you are just going to talk to your girlfriend, wouldn't the library or Starbucks make more sense?

On the other hand, if you are going to exchange body fluids -- or even have sex -- we need you to make a commitment to clean up.

For that you will need to use our laundry facilities. Extra charge for that.

You should also be aware that both the laundry room and the room you and your "girlfriend" are going to meet in has closed circuit TV. Are you cool with that? And how does she feel about it?

 Also keep in mind that if both of you wear penguin costumes and you do not take them off, we will knock 20 per cent off the still-to-be determined monthly rental.

By the way, I am still not certain if you are a real penguin or not since your initial ad showed a group of penguins. You better tell me the truth or I will contact the RCMP.

I would also appreciate your mother's email address as I am going to share with her what you are up to -- and I wouldn't mind having the email address of your girlfriend's father.

jaron, landlord

...and I am still waiting for a reply from the faux penguin(s).