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Jack's
Back
by Jaron Summers
Jack, the Mad Russian, is dead. Shot between the eyes. Suicide say the
police. (See
my last column.)
His
brand new Lexus X5 SUV towers over a Porsche Carrera-4. Their combined
value could hit two hundred thousand.
After
the police smashed down the Mad Russian’s door, they nailed it shut
and placed a sign on it warning that no one could enter the place. Then
on December 16th we noticed that the nails had been pulled out and there
was a new seal from the public administrator.
The wind blew the door open. I suggested to Bob,
our manager, that we have a locksmith install a dead bolt on the door to
protect the goods of the dead Mad Russian.
Protect from what or whom you might
ask.
Eventually, the state will arrive
and take everything since no one seems to be stepping up as next of kin.
Everything will be auctioned and the money will be taken by the state. I
suspect that the gold watch, in its journey from the mad Russian’s
condo to the auction, will change to a $12 Timex.
Who
is to protest? Certainly, not Jack, the Mad Russian.
I
talked to a city prosecutor about this matter. He said that without a
crime being reported, the police who are overburdened with murder and
mayhem would have no reason to investigate it. The police declared
Jack’s death a suicide within hours of finding his body. The
prosecutor told me that if you die in Los Angeles and it looks like
suicide then the police will usually call it that unless you’re
greatly loved. Jack was not greatly loved.
I was
tempted to take his watch. Just slip it in my pocket and perhaps be five
or ten thousand dollars richer.
I
would be stealing from the state. So what? The state steals from me with
ever escalating taxes. Further, the agents from the state who yanked the
nails from Jack’s door, left the place wide open. They put not a
single nail back in place. The locks were busted beyond repair. The
state officials set Jack’s place up for a robbery.
Am I being cynical or could it be that down the
line when things turn up missing the people from the Public
Administrator’s Office will have a perfect alibi. “Oh,
Jack’s place? Maybe there is a gold watch and jewelry missing.
But the place was wide open for weeks….”
Anyway we hired a locksmith and closed up Jack's
condo as tight as a well, coffin.
Newsflash! Someone broke into the Mad Russian’s condo, snatched
his key to his Carrera-4 and stole it. The BMW remains.
A new
rumor sweeps the condo. The Mad Russian is not dead. A thug went there
to kill him, the Mad Russian killed the thug and left the bad guy’s
body for the police. Now the Mad Russian is returning to his condo to
steal all of his stuff back. Of course he started with his most
expensive toy: his car.
Who
knows what is going on?
There
is good news. We have an extra parking space in the building.
-30-
PS -- to read my latest novels and more columns please go to http://www.jaronbs.com/
PS
-- if you'd like to send this to a friend, click on the red face in the
box below. You could win ten grand. Fat chance. Still....
copyright
2001 Jaron Summers
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